Welcome to Caffeinated Confessions!
I wanted a forum where we could talk about bookish subjects from swoon-worthy covers to the price of eBooks. I hope to share my thoughts on a different subject each month. So that we can all chat and share opinions. In the process, I hope we get to know each other a little better. Grab a cup of coffee or tea and lets dish!
Drama, Mama, Not!
Why can’t we all just get along? Authors, bloggers, Goodreads members, Twitter, Facebook..the drama is everywhere and it inevitability upsets me. The world is made up of different personalities much like the fictional books I love and when tensions run hot, and misunderstandings abound.I cannot help but wonder why people don’t think before they speak, research before they write and above all give people the benefit of the doubt before they scream, “off with their heads!”
You’ve read my reviews and interacted with me over the past two years enough to know, that I am fair, honest and respectful. (at least by my definition) The old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me” may have held some truth but in today’s socially connected world- words can hurt! In two seconds one comment can decimate you in this social network. It is a part of human nature to crave drama and tension. One only need look at the plethora of rag magazines at the end of each checkout lane, or turn on the boob-tube and dial into the latest reality TV show to see how much we adore drama. We love this in our books, movies and sadly this toxic waste spills over into social networks that I love and am proud to be a part of. While I crave it in fiction, to see it happening in the sphere especially the “book lovers” world saddens me.
I am sure each of you has come in contact with a difficult author, had your feelings hurt by a reviewer who thinks you are an imbecile for loving a book they find inferior or have had your opinion called into question. It is how you handle these encounters that impact you, and the social sphere we travel in. It is not just outspoken authors or bloggers who can find themselves on the edge of drama. I had an author question my intelligence and claim I didn’t comprehend their story because I dared to state the book all told, and no show. Simply because I stood by my rating, their friends stalked me on Amazon and the author relentless emailed me requesting I change my review. I could have created quite the stir, but instead handled it quietly. I advised the author that their actions could/would be viewed as harassment and that in the hands of someone else could have caused them a media nightmare. I could have taken offense to someone’s comments on a book I adored, especially when said comment indicated I lacked brains for rating a book higher than a two..but the truth is, life is too short and in the end the only opinion I need to live with is my own. Once I sat back and accessed the situation, I actually felt a little sorry for these particular people. All of the comments on my review pushed it to the number one spot, and eventually, other reviews came along reinforcing my opinion. 968 other reviewers are apparently imbeciles too, they scored the book higher. Not every comment or opinion is worthy of your attention. Some people live for that attention! They have serious issues and may have an emotional reason for reacting so strongly to a book, opinion, bookshelf, etc. So sitting back, sorting the facts, and considering the source before I react works for me. 98% time they aren’t worthy of a reaction.
When you see the drama unfolding, please don’t jump on the bandwagon before you know all the facts. In the past few weeks, I have witnessed people destroyed in the sphere before all the facts were released. Peeps were broiled over an open flame only to discover we got the story wrong! Atrocities and outlandish behavior should never be deemed acceptable. However, burning people at the stake before the trial is from the dark ages. The witch hunts must stop! In my version of a perfect world, we would all get along. We’d share feelings in a respectful manner and respect each other’s opinions. There would be no name calling or abusive behavior. With the gift of freedom of speech and expression, people freely express their opinions, thoughts, and reaction with just a few clicks. I never want to censor someone, however we as a whole can and should control the way we respond. I think that as a collective group we need to pause, read, research and process before we pick up the torch in the name of justice for the offended blogger/author/person. Let’s not feed the drama, remember the boy who cried wolf?
I am not a drama mama and I encourage you to make the “book-loving sphere” a friendlier place by waiting to react, and then and only then choosing what battles are worthy of a fight. I chose to handle things quietly, by not following, not purchasing books and refusing to acknowledge outlandish behavior. You may want to be verbal which is fine…but be sure you have all of the facts. Wait to post after you have had time to research and check your emotions. Are they skewed? When someone tweets or claims injustice don’t be a drama mama. Sure this latest tidbit unfolding outrages your sensibilities but please, research before you help spread the story! Sadly once false information is out there it is hard to replace it with the truth. Despite corrected versions, most continue to believe the false stories. It’s a political campaign nightmare scenario in our own backyard! We can stop a lot of this drama by simply waiting for the truth to emerge. I love how we all stick together and protect our own but this witch hunt mentality needs to stop.
I didn’t share this caffeinated confession to point fingers or scold anyone, but rather to encourage you to consider the consequences before you act and to help make our little part of the world a safer, happier place. I don’t think anyone enjoys seeing this drama unfold week after a week filled with partial truths and inaccurate information. What are your opinions on the subject? Do you jump into the middle of the action? Are you a drama mama? Have you been caught in the cross-fire or wrongly accused? Are you like me? Do you slowly take in the facts and then decide how to respond?
You can make a difference Don’t feed the Drama!
About Kimberly
Kimberly is a coffee loving book addict who reads and listens to fictional stories in all genres. Whovian, Ravenclaw, Howler and proud Nonna. She owns and manages Caffeinated PR. The coffee is always on and she is ready to chat. BlueSky | Facebook | Instagram
Kay
Great post!!! I too want the book blogging world to be more friendly and happy. There is so much drama going around lately and that makes me sad. Like you I tend to just stay out of it all together.
kimbacaffeinate
Books, Love and Peace…it should all be our mantra! thanks Kay 🙂
Vilia
I tend to back away slowly, not make eye contact or any sudden moves when it comes to drama. Life is seriously too short to sweat the little things. Handling the issue privately but firmly was really sensible as there are already so many crazy author or blogger blow ups that really damage people’s reputations.
kimbacaffeinate
I love your back away slowly bit and so agree life is too short! thanks Vilia 🙂
aurian
Great post Kim, I really hate all the drama on the internet. And I have stopped reading certain reviewers bookreviews as they are just hurting me for slaughtering the books I love.
kimbacaffeinate
thanks Aurian 🙂
Lark of the Bookwyrm's Hoard
You go, girl! You’re absolutely on target. I do wish everyone would take a deep breath and calm down before they post anything. I think long and hard and wait a day or two before I post a review lower than three stars — not because I’m afraid of the possible fallout (although that’s a concern) but because I want to be sure I’m being as fair and objective as I can be.
The same criteria apply to our non-book-related interactions, too. It’s really easy to get pulled into a controversial discussion on Facebook. Sometimes it’s worth defending your position, especially if it’s more reasonable and rational than what you are countering. But even then, sometimes you’re just feeding the trolls. Sometimes it’s better just to walk away before things get really nasty.
That said, it’s not right to let bullies intimidate people, either!
kimbacaffeinate
I agree Lark, thanks and I think if people thought about it before they reacted 9 times out of 10 they too would walk away 🙂
DannyBookworm
Wonderful post and yes I do hate the drama too. I try to stay out of it and I never posted about it on my blog. Sure, I do have my opinions but I never wanted to fuel any drama going on by taking sites and posting about it.
I’m sad that sometimes people go berserk over things.
Thankfully, I never had any bad interaction with authors about a book I didn’t like. *knocks wood*
kimbacaffeinate
Thanks Danny, and I am with you..no fuel for the fire 🙂
Lil Berry
As you said I prefer my drama book bound and when I started book blogging it seemed this community was a united one and as drama free as they come.
Sadly the drama levels seem to come but fortunately they get sorted out and go, sometimes things are taken out of context and sometimes it’s just people hunting out the drama.
Like you said sorting it is the second step, first you have to listen, well in this case reading everyone’s side before making an opinion.
First and foremost get informed!
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly, thanks Lil..for the most part we are one heck of a great community 🙂
Victoria (aka Zemfirka)
Great post! 🙂 And I too wish we can all just get along. There is no need for drama, there plenty of it everywhere else already.
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly Victoria, thank you 🙂
Lauren
Amen to this post! I’ve seen so many bloggers jump to publicize the tiniest tiffs with authors or other bloggers, because apparently drama yields page hits, followers, etc. I saw one blogger have a minor incident like the one you describe, where an author’s friend emailed her about her negative review, and she went on and on about it on twitter, then wondered aloud if she could possibly calm down enough to write a blog post about it (that made me smile, because it was SO dramatic sounding), then she did, and she basically said in the blog post that she was about to end this author’s career by exposing this one email and that she hopes he’s ready. The whole thing was so hyperbolic and dramatic I wondered if maybe she was just too close to the situation and needed to step away from the internet for awhile. She did do her big “expose” post, and it didn’t really take off like she’d thought. I think because we’re all a little tired of drama and witchhunts. Or maybe it wasn’t even really worthy of a witchhunt to begin with. It certainly sounded worse on twitter than in the blog post. I had your exact feelings when I read it. If people had started attacking the author at the first sign of blood, they would have felt bad about it when the email was revealed and it was a) from a friend and b) not even that bad, not threatening.
I think it’s very classy you took care of this situation privately rather than using it for attention. Page hits and followers that come from drama are empty in my opinion. You have to attract people with your blog posts, your reviews, your insights, and you do that wonderfully without an ounce of drama, one of the many reasons I love your blog!
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly, and peeps need to think before they jump on the bandwagon!
tonyalee
I applaud and respect you, for not taking that situation public. You’re right, if that had happened to.. well, quite a few people, it would have been tweeted about/emailed around and passive aggressive post would have been made. So, good for you and doing the right thing.
When I fist started blogging, I have NO IDEA there was this much animosity and actually wrote my first discussion post based on the drama. And really, I don’t see the thick of it because I try really hard to stay away but I do see some of it. But I can guarantee you I don’t even know about 90% of it.
For me, walking away is the best thing to do. Especially, if the situation is one where my opinion is moot.
Great post Kimba! 😀
kimbacaffeinate
Yeah, my encounters happened early in my career but I have never been one for drama..but some of the things going on and being said around the sphere make me so sad, and well disgusted. Agree with you!
Dani
I totally agree with this post! I hate drama and really don’t like it when people try to pull you in. I am amazed by how much drama I hear going on but never see.
kimbacaffeinate
It surprises me too, and sometimes I hear about it but never witness it.
Ellen
Wonderful post! Well said!!!!
Jan
Great post, Kimba! It’s something we all need to be reminded of and good to think about so we decide how to react if it happens to us. Definitely a time to step back and think before writing!
I’ve read there’s been drama on Goodreads, but thankfully I haven’t seen it. Ignorance is bliss for me in this case! And as you’ve said “life is too short.” I’ve got to many books to read and reviews to write!
kimbacaffeinate
Jan, I probably miss a lot of it too, but enough comes over facebook, and twitter to make me cringe.
Erin
I so agree, it is really blowing up more and more.
kimbacaffeinate
thank you Erin, I want a happy place where we all talk books, sigh over book boyfriends and drink coffee 🙂
sharonda
I started blogging because I thought I would run into like minded book loving folks like myself, but the past couple of years have unfolded into quite a mess. So much drama & nonsense is just…crazy. I personally haven’t come across any of it, but like most I have seen and I watch from afar as the crap hits the fan. Its so sad to see too.
Great post Kim & hopefully folks will take your message to heart <3
kimbacaffeinate
I agree, it is sad to see unfold 🙂
Jenna
This community does love its drama. I’ve been through too much drama on Livejournal to do much more than shrug my shoulders. (At least until it’s directed at me!)
kimbacaffeinate
thanks for commenting Jenna and I hope things stay drama free for you 🙂
Berls
I’m so new to blogging and I’ve come to love it and the blogosphere so much that reading about this makes me so sad. I’ve read a few posts in the few months since I’ve been blogging that talk about problems – I blissfully seem to have them playing out right in front of me and yet am completely unaware. I know I’m not fully immersed in the blogosphere as of yet, but this is one part I’ll happily do without forever. So sorry you had to deal with it, but I think you handled it admirably. If everyone would do the same I think these problems would die down really quickly. A fire needs kindling to burn! Great post!
kimbacaffeinate
To be honest, I have had very little direct contact and the situations I described regarding my own experience are almost over 2 yrs old, but sadly there has been an increase in drama around the sphere, and it saddens me. My hope was to make people think before they react.
Berls
hopefully the message will make an impact. I hate to think of something I love so much being destroyed just because people don’t think before they react (or b/c they like the drama)
Christy
There are certain types of people who thrive on the drama. That’s why you tend to see the same people in the midst of it over and over. And sometimes people take this crap WAY too seriously. Have I got upset over something in this little book world? YOU know I have. But I deal with my feelings, maybe rant a little privately, and then move on. I can’t control the way someone else behaves, but I can control my reactions.
Love this post, my lovely bloggy buddy!
kimbacaffeinate
Yes, some peeps are drawn to drama and thrive in it. I couldn’t agree more with your comment, “I can’t control the way someone behaves, but I can control my reactions.” That is a lesson I taught my children, and it really cut down on drama during their teen years.
Trish
I do agree Kimba, every week there is new drama and it can all be distressing. I don’t think we should ignore it completely but as you said we need to research, double check and treble check the facts before we weigh in. I’m automatically on the side of bloggers but I really, really wish there was no need for sides. Authors need readers and readers need authors so I just wish we could all play nicely!
kimbacaffeinate
Agreed 🙂
Debbie Haupt
Brava, Kimba. My new fangled nook took too long to reply and I lost the whole message LOL
I hate drama, and I hope I’m intelligent enough to count to 20 or 1000 before my inner bit–h makes an appearance. I also respect your reviews and am appalled that anyone would try to bully you into falsifying it. It would be totally different if you advertised reviews for hire and it’s the main reason I mostly interview and make most of my reviews editorial ones. it’s harder to bully a national magazine or highly regarded review organization.
I’m sorry you had to be treated this way and I’m upset for you and have your back. Always
deb
kimbacaffeinate
Debbie this article pertains to the drama unfolding on a weekly basis around the sphere and the way we as a whole react. My own experience has been mild, if not annoying and I am quite happy in my little bubble 🙂 Thanks for having my back if I need you..just be sure to get the facts first 🙂
Debbie Haupt
oops was my face red :), note to self nook cannot replace laptop, vital content may be missed.
Well Kimba, I’m still appalled that someone questioned your honor.
I tend to stay out of drama, I didn’t even know what you mention existed. I guess I’m too busy, working full time, blogging, reviewing an living to get caught up.
I do know for a fact that there have been many hurt e-feelings because the recipient can’t hear inflections in an email or post and often affronted parties get vengeful and catty but that’s still no excuse.
pardon my stupidity 😉
kimbacaffeinate
LOL, I avoid drama as well, but since I am so social in the sphere I come across posts, tweets and facebook threads that make me cringe. I so agree about texts, tweets and comments in general being misinterpreted because there is no inflection. This was a big lesson for my teens. Enjoy the rest of your weekend my friend!
Celine
I agree with you %100! Although my philosophy is “don’t be a drama llama”.
Cause llamas are awesome.
kimbacaffeinate
I love llamas 🙂
SweetMarie83
“I cannot help but wonder why people don’t think before they speak, research before they write and above all give people the benefit of the doubt before they scream, “off with their heads!”” <—YES. I'm getting SO tired of all the drama. It seems every time I turn around someone is being tarred and feathered for something. And I've seen so many people go off half-cocked, basing their opinions on a couple of tweets without actually looking into it and forming an opinion for themselves or just staying out of it. I try to stay out of it and keep quiet because I don't want to get dragged into it – I love this community too much to alienate myself by saying something stupid – whether accidentally or not – and then having people come after ME, you know? If I know all the facts, I might weigh in, especially if it involves a close blogging friend, but whenever possible I just sit back and wait for it to pass…except that, unfortunately, two seconds later something new happens and the drama starts again. *sigh* Why can't we all just get along?! Great post, Kimberly. Hopefully it will encourage more people to think before they go on the attack.
kimbacaffeinate
Thanks Marie, to me it is mind-boggling how it all escalates out of control and gets ugly.
emaginette
I like my real world to be happy, honest, and respectful. I tend to unfollow if the tirade (right or wrong) is offensive to my sensibilities, and I won’t responded to such behavior either.
“I won’t dignify that with a response,” comes to mind.
I’m not saying we all have to agree. I too believe in freedom of speech, but I also believe in the freedom not having to listen to it, and the right to walk away.
‘nough said.
kimbacaffeinate
*nods head and agrees*
Melissa's Eclectic Bookshelf
I can’t agree more with everything you’ve said!
kimbacaffeinate
Thanks Melissa 🙂
Jenea
I couldn’t agree more. I am not a drama person, and I tend to stay away from all of it. With my health issues, and personal life, I don’t need to add to it. I blog because I enjoy it, and just want to share some books I read. Not everyone enjoys the same books, and well if we all did, life would be a little boring. Each person has different tastes, and that is just how it is.. No need to give them a hard time about it is they don’t like the same things as you. 🙂 Fantastic post!
kimbacaffeinate
thanks Jenea, life is too short and there are too many books in my tbr pile to get caught up in it..but I hate to seem them fighting on the playground!
Pooja
Completely agree, Kimba! There’s drama in practically every sphere of life- book blogging included and staying calm and reacting in a measured way is the way to go. Thanks for the post 🙂
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly..thanks Pooja!
kindlemom1
I avoid drama is all aspects of my life, blogging isn’t any different. I have no idea what you are referring too but, I have seen it before when it exploded on goodreads and I know it got ugly then.
I could never imagine being so harsh and cruel to someone just because they felt differently about something than I did. It is very sad to see.
And Kim, you are a Supernatural fan? I had no idea! I started watching Supernatural (finally!) this summer and I am so hooked! I am on season 6 right now and have season 7 recorded on my DVR and just ordered season 8 off Amazon. I am loving every minute of it!!
kimbacaffeinate
Sadly there is drama almost every week and since I am social active I often see it unfold. Like you I keep my bubble drama free, but it upsets me because I love this little world 🙂
Heck yes I am a supernatural fan and have never missed an episode!
Candace
I hate drama! I admit that I kinda live in a bubble and don’t often even know about it. I haven’t had any experiences myself, other than some random person going off on amazon about my review being too long. I replied nicely pointing out why and walked away.
I’m always afraid of getting an author who goes drama on me so before I take them on for tours I like to get to know them first. So I guess I kind of ‘screen’ them before I agree.
Sorry you’ve gone through drama yourself though, good for you for acting maturely.
kimbacaffeinate
Oh my drama was like yours..I didn’t lose any sleep over it..but it could have easily escalated but it happened early in my blogging adventure and I handled it my way. No one is drama proof, but the way in which we handle it is a whole different matter.
Andrea
Such a great post. I’ve had an author call me names on a GRs review once, and like yours my post ended up getting tons more attention than if they’d left me alone. I tend to not get involved in drama, I left that behind in high school.
I just wish the people who can keep their cool and be mature could have the most influence.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly Andrea I just want them all to take a step back, breathe and evaluate.
Michelle
When the drama was rare I could find myself getting worked up over it, but now it just irritates me to no end. The internet is already full of idiots and trolls the book community doesn’t need them. I have a post similar to this ready to go on Monday, which I may tweak a bit before I let it go.
I think people (friends and strangers a like) need to act with class and respect. If you do that then what is the likelihood that someone will come after you for something? It’s really low. Even when I had an author come after me I dealt with it in quiet like you did. It made me angry but I treated them with respect (despite their rudeness) and no one was the wiser.
Drama is not for me. Great post!
kimbacaffeinate
Looking forward to your thoughts. It seems like a weekly occurrence anymore and yep it gets annoying. Which is a shame because when a serious, addressable issue arises people are going to ignore it. Simply because they are fed up with the drama.
Michelle
This is a great post Kimba! Although I have to admit I scrolled first to see the pictures and gifs bc I do love the ones you pick haha. BUT, then I went back to read and I totally agree. Too many people jump right in and blow the drama up when that isn’t needed. I just wish more people would stay out of it.
I avoid drama at all costs! In the blogging world, in the real world. Maybe it’s because I’m a libra or maybe because law school has shown me two sides to every issue, but my friends all say that I’m the peacemaker. And I like it that way.
Why can’t we all be friends?
Great post!
Michelle @ Book Briefs
kimbacaffeinate
I am a Libra too! Thanks Michelle 🙂
Jennifer
I agree with you one thousand percent! Over the past few weeks I’ve been reading far too much drama on Goodreads, a site that should be only used to publish reviews and discuss them not attack those who are only expressing their true opinions! While there have been far too many authors lately reacting in ways that are uacceptable, I have to admit that there are some bloggers acting just as bad! From what I can see we just need to all be respectful, both in how we review books (i.e reviewing a book objectively, and never rant about an author simply because you didn’t like their book) and how we react to those reviews!
Great post, and very much needed right now!
Live to Read, Love to Read
kimbacaffeinate
thanks Jennifer, right or wrong the way this drama unfolds and the name slinging upsets me and wish people would step back and evaluate first.
blodeuedd
An author once emailed me, and emailed me, and emailed me! telling me I had to make the 4 on amazon a 5..I KNOW! But in the end I told him, I will delete the review or let it stand. I am not a drama llama.
But goodreads did break my heart. I wanna go all drama llama over them.
kimbacaffeinate
It is so sad about Goodreads, and that we even need to be policed..as for the author, I hope you left your review stand.
Emily
Oh what a shame, i am quite happy in my book drama free bubble xxx
kimbacaffeinate
I am too Emily, but if you use any of the social networks for book lovers you are bound to see this drama unfold and its ugly..we all need to get along 🙂
Tanja
I totally agree with you but it hurts to see that people who as book-lovers went through many lives and read about different people and probably loved different characters are arguing if someone has a bit different opinion. If something the lit and books thought me to respect difference. Great post Kimba 🙂
kimbacaffeinate
Yes, you would think as book lovers we would embrace different opinions.. ah well I can only control my bubble and hope.
Sharon - Obsession with Books
I 100% agree with this post Kimba! I am the kind of person who avoids drama, conflict and confrontation at all costs in both my personal life and with blogging, I am thankful I haven’t encountered any negativity or drama myself during my two years of blogging, I try to remain respectful of everyone and honestly would expect the same.
It saddens me to read about some of the conflicts, words can hurt and once they are written on the www they can’t be taken back.
Thanks for sharing!
kimbacaffeinate
Exactly 🙂
glass
Great post. I love how you stay calm and respectful – most of the bloggers talking about this subject just get stick in all the drama and make it all somehow personal no matter that they didn’t have negative experiences so far.
Glass @ Way Too Hot Books
kimbacaffeinate
Agreed, we all need to take a step back 🙂
Chene Sterckx
This is very true! Thank you for sharing and for the great advice in there 🙂 I haven’t come across much controversy yet and I hope I don’t either. I like the happy space in the Blogosphere.
kimbacaffeinate
Yep, I am happy in my caffeinated bubble, but hate to see fellow book lovers caught up in the uglies.
Jennifer Bielman
Awesome post. I 100% agree. I can get emotional or passionate in my reviews sometimes, but I always try to remain respectful because I have had a couple authors (and bloggers) harass me just like you experienced. Why must we berate each other for our personal opinions? So wrong.
kimbacaffeinate
Even the most respectful blogger can encounter drama..it’s how we handle it that makes all the difference.
Ginny
Well done!!! I think that anytime you have a strong reaction to something you need to pause and personally process, and possible research, why you are reacting that way before sharing your feelings with the world.
kimbacaffeinate
Agreed, and I think most do that, but sadly some love the drama and get caught up in it.
Kristin
Alright… what did I do now??? Just kidding, I hope 😀
I agree 100% with everything you said!! Is it worse now, 2 years after I started blogging or is it just me? Hmmmm….
kimbacaffeinate
It saddens me to see all the mud throwing and name calling out there. I am so not a drama mama and handle issues quietly, but oh boy…and yes it seems like every other week now.
Bea
Perfect timing since there’s yet another drama!
I do wish we could all get along.
kimbacaffeinate
Yep, and I wrote this almost a month ago..and it’s still relevant..so sad 🙁